Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
