I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
