Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
They have beer where we have blood.
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