Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
