garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
where am i from again
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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