I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
