i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize