she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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