A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I enjoy the company of your penis
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