SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
