pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
