I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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