just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So squirting runs in the family.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
