What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
