she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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