Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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