i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
