Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just had sex on a roof
You are the jesus of drinking
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize