After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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