So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
