He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
