A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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