You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
