Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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