Yo dont text me then not text me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we made out on top of his cat.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
