Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
