She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
