yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize