I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
