dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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