just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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