I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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