Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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