never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize