just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
