I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
