I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
