Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
