Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
