Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
