its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
