I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
