Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
