I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
