talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
