She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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