Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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