If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
