I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
