These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
