there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
