after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Drake has all the answers
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize