***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This is not my ceiling
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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