Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Shame is for Republicans.
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