I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
