Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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