i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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