I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
