Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
