those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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