Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
