Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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