Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
