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• (847): View more from Illinois

  It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  with a sacreligious after taste.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.

  (623): View more from Arizona

  and by single i mean slutty

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.

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• (760): View more from California

  Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.

  (432): View more from Texas

  You're so wise.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck

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• (310): View more from California

  No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.

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• (909): View more from California

  Crop dusting thru forever 21

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