God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize