Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
