I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude i'm inner monologue high
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize