the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we made out on top of his cat.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize