I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
