im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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