pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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