so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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