we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
