so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
