tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish you could order shots online.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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