very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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