walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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