So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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