I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
